Mar 11, 1993 – WSOB Minutes

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1. F. C.A. Book – Carrie C. Notes show :

   The History of CA and a revised copy of one of the final stories have been sent to the Book Committee. A signed conditional release has been signed by the author of The History of CA. The next meeting will take place at Bob C.’s office at 10:00 a.m. on March 27th.

   Here is that copy:

   The History of CA

   When we were asked to write the History of CA we were more than pleased. This being a subject near and dear to us. A history that as a result of timing good fortune and grace we were able to experience first hand. We’ve been able to watch an international fellowship grow up around us with a spirit and enthusiasm that was unfathomable to us some ten years ago.

   We were also asked in writing this story to, in the spirit of anonymity, exclude all names of the players involved. Thus placing the focus of this recollection as well as this book on the message rather than on the messengers . The fact of the matter is that we are all somehow profoundly connected in the pursuit of physical, emotional and spiritual sobriety . And as you read the pages of this book and hopefully relate and find strength from our experience you will know in your heart that you have become part of the history of Cocaine Anonymous.

   For the sake of clarity I would like to explain there are two of us writing this history. I will refer to us in this story as my partner and I. However we are much more than that for we are friends. We had the opportunity a few years ago to do a workshop at the World Service Convention in Phoenix on the history of CA. Both of us came to Arizona armed with box’s filled with meeting directories, flyers, tickets, newspaper and magazine clippings, letters, tee shirts, and minutes of business meetings dating back to the beginning of this fellowship. We sat there cross legged in that elegant hotel room, two recovering drug addicts sorting threw papers, swapping stories laughing and crying about so many events that has chiseled out the course of our lives. Here are some of our memories.

   In November of 1982 I had been clean and sober for about five months. Prior to that I had slipped in and out of sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous for around a year. I had been a fan in a fellowship where only players grew and thrived. The concept of “being willing to go to any length ” was only then beginning to mean something to me.

   On that Nov. afternoon I received a call from a person who had been instrumental in my initial sobriety. This person, sober for many years already, worked at the Motion Picture Health and welfare fund, in Hollywood, California. This call was to inform me of an AA meeting at the Motion Picture Fund, to take place on the following tues, where the topic of discussion was going to be drugs especially cocaine. You see the Motion Picture Health and Welfare fund had been flooded with calls from members and others in regards to where to go for help for Cocaine Addiction. And in spite of the fact that the community at large still considered Cocaine to be a non-addictive drug, there seemed to be an epidemic of non-addicted, addicted people. I was very excited at the prospect of this meeting. I had been addicted to(cocaine,) alcohol, pills, psychedelics, opiates…(and anything else I could get my hands on) .and was most definitely a cocaine addict. The thought of a forum where men and women could discuss along with the solutions of the twelve steps and traditions their common experience of bondage to cocaine was most exciting to me.

   The meeting began as any meeting in Southern Calif, begins with the reading of chapter five from the big book but quickly took on an electrifying new dimension. Words like basing, snorting, shooting, coping, scoring, dealing, paranoia and depression went flying around the room with heads nodding and bursts of laughter our way of expressing the fact that we relate. One member shared about snorting lint from a shag carpet while searching for a rock. Another talked of the desperate feelings of seeing the light come threw the corners of the sheets covering the windows and hearing the deafening sound of the morning birds. Of wanting to take their fortyfive magnum and waste those birds but being afraid to go outside the house because “they” might be out their.

   Just prior to the close of this meeting it was suggested that we take a group conscience on the subject of turning this Alcoholics Anonymous meeting into a completely new twelve step program and call it Cocaine Anonymous. This motion, which sounded like a wonderful idea to me was quickly voted down.I remember being upset at the time only to realize later that I had been incorrect in my thinking. Turning an AA meeting into a CA meeting would have been completely disregarding the twelve traditions. We would have been trying to turn and apple into an orange. Although they have much in common they are simply different fruits.

   Directly after the meeting that evening it occurred to a group of us that their was plenty of room and time for both apples and oranges. This being tues night we were told by our friend at the motion picture fund that if we returned on thurs. night their would be a room reserved for us.

   Two days later we returned with great anticipation. Approximately twenty members, men and women , newcomers and old timers from all walks of life sat in silence at the sound of knuckles hitting the top of a wood table and a voice that I will never forget saying “Welcome to the first Cocaine Anonymous meeting. My name is_________________ and I’m an Addict and an alcoholic.

   Cocaine anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from their addiction.” You could have heard a pin drop at that moment. There was electricity in the room. I believe that as a group we intuitively knew that something very important had happened. An event that would not just effect our lives but the lives of countless others for years to come.

   Around the same period of time Beverly Glen Hospital, in Los Angeles, had begun a closed, patient only, meeting, established for addicts whose primary drug was cocaine. Shortly after the inception of Cocaine Anonymous, Beverly Glen Hospital opened its doors to all addicts, and became one of the original six meetings of Cocaine Anonymous.Six meetings which seemed to pop up over night. Six places a week for cocaine addicts to experience recovery in a safe supportive environment where all that was asked of them was to have a desire to be free from their addiction and help other addicts achieve the same freedom.

   With the existence of these six meetings came the beginning of CA’s first attempt at a service organization. What it boiled down to was this. Each meeting had a secretary or other, represent their meeting . And given the fact that their were so few of us in attendance, we all miraculously ended up on the board.

   On that evening I made the acquaintance of two other members who were like myself driven for some inexplicable reason to devote their next few years to the development and growth of Cocaine anonymous. Although we were strangers at first and agreed on very little we quickly developed a strong bond, friendship and singleness of purpose. Looking back now I know that we were not being noble we were simply saving our lives but none of us knew anything that uncomplicated back then.

   All three of us with less than a year of sobriety along with others, that would come and go, would meet at my house a couple of times a week to discuss, and argue, and finally agree on subjects ranging from Public info, to literature to phone lines to chips to what to order for dinner that evening. We were starting from scratch with nothing to loose but our slavery to drugs.

   Our first chairman excelled in his ability to organize. My strong points as vice-chair came in the area of being able to motivate and organize others. My partner who I refereed to before was a serious stickler for details and he became the office manager. Although at the time we didn’t actually have an office. We did however have a phone and an answering machine. This was our first method in reaching and being available to addicts looking for a meeting and members around the country wanting to start up meetings in their area.

   If you happened to have called in that first year you would have received a prompt call back from my partner our office manager. However , chances are in the first few months of his job their would have been two people grinding their teeth during that conversation. Unbeknownst to us my partner was still using periodically during which time he spoke at length, might I add, and twelve stepped many people who ten years later are still active members.

   This phone also became an embarrassment and a lesson to us when we realized that we were compromising the traditions of CA. The phone lines you see were paid for and located in a local Drug Recovery Hospital. We justified this at first because we were virtually broke and this enabled us to reach out. Bbt as we began to grow spiritually in our own sobriety and began to except guidance from supportive members of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous it became all to clear that without our adherence to and respect of the twelve traditions we risked the integrity and the very existence of Cocaine Anonymous. We learned that we had to be self supporting through our own contributions and had to have faith that we would grow accordingly.

   There was controversy in those early days that came from those who believed we were unnecessary, that we existed as an emergency room clearing house to other fellowships or that we simply wouldn’t survive as a fellowship. We on the other hand had read a pamphlet written by the founder of AA Called “Problems pther than Alcohol” which encouraged us to move forward on this quest and not become part of the controversy. Which as it turned out shortly dissolved into open arms and cooperation from all involved.

   It was our hopes that the CA chips would be a unifying factor in our young fellowship. Something solid, to touch, to carry with us, a reminder of our commitment. At that time we had a hard white square plastic chip whose letters and numbers would unfortunately wear off before you could even get to the next meeting. Not to mention relapses would use the chips to chop cocaine. So in moving to a rounder more flexible chip I needed to come up with three words that would epitomize the spirit of Cocaine Anonymous. These words were “Hope, Faith, and Willingness.” But unfortunately we had to nix “Willingness” because it had to many letters. That evening I sat at home watching a TV documentary on President Kennedy. He spoke eloquently on the necessity of having Courage in our lives. It occurred to me that when many of us walk through the doors of CA for the first time, we do so without hope, without faith, but with an ounce of Courage. We listen to the stories and experience of other and develop hope. And as a result of coming back, and coming back, and coming back and working the twelve steps, we acquire an abundance of Faith.

   One evening sitting at an all night dinner witfr a friend, trying to write a suggested standardized meeting formate , I found myself deep in a discussion about what I believed to be our most pressing obstacle in our formulative year. As women and men came into CA they found our example and guidance from the steps enough to give up the use of Cocaine and begin a new life. Unfortunately, many members refused to stop using other substances explaining that they weren’t Alcoholics, or that pot was a natural herb, or that they really needed those pills to relax or sleep in such a stressful period as early recovery, etc. etc. These members, who usually relapsed on Cocaine or began abusing their new drug of choice, often concluded their case with the challenge “And anyway, where does it mention anything other the Cocaine. That evening over a plate of greasy bacon and eggs( while laboring over the choir of coming up with standardized meeting formats) we re-wrote the first step by simply adding to the word Cocaine, “And all mind altering substances.” Five little words that almost over night put to rest this dangerous life threatening debate. Five little words that told the demons in my head to surrender.

   Within a year the fellowship had grown to thirty meetings. The days of a hand full of us representing the group conscience was over. It was fun while it lasted but frankly we were grateful to share the responsibility. For some reason, which alludes me now, the thirty representatives of these thirty meetings decided that we could get more work done if we went on a group service retreat. I still laugh when I think of the chaos and drama that went on between us all , most in their first year, many in their first few months, on that weekend.

   The retreat took place at a Benedictine monetary,called St. Andrews, in the high desert. We ate breakfast in silence and never stopped bickering for the rest of the day. However, like with so many other obstacles we were experiencing in our new clean and sober lives, by the end of this weekend we had evolved to a sense of community and a feeling of unity. The weekend ended with a CA meeting that took place in the monks graveyard at the end of a clear beautiful day. We each took our turn sharing our gratitude and love as the sun began to set and a cold wind began to blow across the desert floor. When all of a sudden, interrupting a particularly heartfelt share, one of representatives with about three months off free base, reached into his pocket, yelled out the words “Oh No!” and pulled out a rather large baggie filled with cocaine.Thirty hearts began to race. Thirty minds began to run. But as a group we simply froze. The thought of the entire service structure of CA being wiped out in an afternoon was to absurd. Someone suggested we take a group conscience. Another jokingly proposed we sell the blow and donate the profits. But before this event got to out of hand . Before the sun set altogether beyond the horizon. With the last bits of light shooting across the desert a large gust of wind came up and this wise newcomer opened the baggie, grabbed the bottom, and began to wave it in the air. And in a moment a cloud of white powder went flying away into the night. We sat there as a group in silence, as if we were saying goodby to an old friend. We stood their in silence, in awe at the knowledge that together with the help of a higher power, we could do what individually had always alluded us. We held hands, said the serenity prayer and went home.

   The next two and a half years, leading up to the first CA World Service Convention, CA grew at a remarkable rate. As the result of articles about” the cocaine epidemic and recovery”, in The LA Times, picked up by DPI, Time, People, and Newsweek Magazine,which mentioned Cocaine Anonymous, inquiries about our program began to flow in. Overwhelmed by this response it became apparent to us, especially my partner, who believed that the time for a World Service Organization had arrived.Our amazing growth in Southern California being paralleled by growth in Northern Calif. , were rapidly joined with fellowships cropping up in several cities throughout the United States.

   During this period of time we received an envelope from Chicago containing a piece of literature they had written and were offering for our consideration , in hopes of becoming CA1s first piece of literature. We had been working very hard on a piece already, but between us couldn’t agree on a single page. With tremendous skepticism we sat around and read aloud this bold offering from this far away place. It was perfect. With mouths hanging open and tears in our eyes we knew that these words said exactly what needed to be said.It was entitled “To the Newcomer” later to be refereed to as “Who’s Addict” and read at meetings throughout the world.

   On May 3rd 1985, hundreds of Recovering Addicts converged on the Miramar hotel in Santa Barbara California, to attend the first annual World Service Convention. It was called the Seaside Unity and Acceptance convention and was much, much, more than even that. Voices over the phone and names on letters heads were taking on form. Faces of old friends we had never met, were appearing their before us. From coast to coast they came excited, curious, and filled with an energy that was to become our trademark.

   In a crowded room on sat. morning the diligent chairman of world services cautiously called to order the first national business meeting. After a passionate exchange of ideas, which set the format for future conferences, the meeting came to a close with a remarkable feeling of optimism.

   That night we gathered together in the hotels banquet hall to feast and celebrate our new fellowship. Men and Women who had only recently graced the halls of bathrooms, prisons, mental wards, and treatment centers were now seated in this balloon filled elegant room, shoulder to shoulder looking and feeling alive and well. The speaker was inspiring to already high spirited group. Banquet food even seemed to taste good that night. My two partners and I were recognized that evening as CA’s first Trustees, with the presentation of a beautiful black engraved plaque. This presentation somehow represented to us and to those present the spiritually connection and acceptance of what was and what could be in the future. However the highlight of the evening had to have been the state by state countdown. One by one as each participating state was announced, its members rising to the cheers and applause that grew in a fevered pitch as voices cried out, Alaska, Arizona, California, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, Ohio, Texas, Virginia, Washington, and Wisconsin.

   In the years since that convention, CA has spread its message and enthusiasm through the United States, beyond its borders to Canada, and across the water to Europe. When I was newly clean and sober it was explained to me that the latin definition of the word enthusiasm is, en meaning in or with, and thusiasm meaning god. With gods will for us and the power to carry it out , one day at a time , Cocaine Anonymous will continue to carry its message throughout the world to the addict who has the courage to ask for help.

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